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Intro
The time has come for that final kiss
Goodbye to all the loves I'll miss
I've never been a memory hoarder
Now it's time to put my affairs in order
Story begins.....
So I'll start with Phil, he was the first
but actually he was the worst
He knew how to spoon out all the sugar
but he became a moody bugger
His nose was big and his teeth weren't great
so I'm putting him down as Number 8
(Number 8 Phil)
Next there was Andy, oh what a guy
he'd give anything a try
Quite athletic, big and strong
I thought that he could do no wrong
but he said I was an Angel dropped down from Heaven
I couldn't stand the pressure so he's down at Number 7
(Too much Andy - a girl just can't live up to that reputation)
My Latin lover was crazy Manuel
turned out to be an affair from Hell
He clung to me like a real bad smell
obsessive and needy - a kiss and tell
I soon got tired of all his tricks
so I can't put him higher than Number 6
Then I had a fling with little Willy
Cute and cuddly, rather silly
He squeezed me tight and stroked my hair
but he had to make love while standing on a chair
So affectionate, so alive, but too small to get past my Number 5
(Sorry about that Willy, you tried)
Then I invited Clyde to be my next 'bit on the side'
I was his Bonnie for a while - I'll always keep his name on file
But sadly he became a bore
so I had to rank poor Clyde at Number 4
After some time I thought that I
would try to find an older guy,
someone who knew his way around
and Clarence was the one I found
Then one day he died on me
but he'll always be my Number 3
(Dear Clarence, he tried a little too hard - it was the death of him)
In second place there is no doubt
Simon knew his way about
What Simon said, I had to do
and that's why he's my Number 2
Number 1's still going strong
he's right for me, his name is John
He's so discrete - and that is rare
he never bragged about our affair
He don't ask questions about my past
I think this love is meant to last
A just for fun, spoken word, 'tongue in cheek' ramble about past relationships from Number 8 down to Number 1
I added a light musical backing in various genres.
