Dancing Under the Weight

Lyrics:

© MarilyneJ
I packed my arms with everything I saw
Just in case the night would ask for more
Bread for hunger I hadn’t even known
Keys for doors that were never mine to own
I walked afraid the shelves would all run dry
So I carried the world just to survive
Every step was heavier than the last
I thought forward meant holding on fast

They say fear wears the mask of care
You call it love, but it steals your air

I’m overloaded, darling, can’t you see
I bought the future out of fear of need
I wanted safety, I wanted control
Now I can’t move with this weight on my soul
I helped, I held, I bent, I stayed
I danced for others, lost my way
I wanted to save them all somehow

I mistook their pain for my role
Called it purpose, paid with my soul

I’m overloaded, darling, can’t you see
I carried people who wouldn’t carry me
I called it love, I called it grace
But I disappeared without a trace
I helped, I held, I bent, I stayed
I danced for others, lost my way
I wanted to save them all somehow
Now I’m stuck under the weight of now

A foxtrot needs space to glide
Two steps forward, one aside
You can’t lead if you can’t breathe
You can’t give what you don’t keep
So I’m putting the bags down on the floor
Some were never mine before
If love costs movement, costs my ground
Then love has learned the wrong sound


I’m unloading, finally free
Keeping only what belongs to me
Fear doesn’t get to choose my pace
I drop the weight, I reclaim my space
I’ll help, I’ll love, but not that way
I won’t disappear to make you stay
I don’t need to save them all somehow
I choose to move — I choose me now
Now I’m stuck under the weight of now

Then came the voices, one by one
“Can you carry this?” I said yes, then yes again
Their storms, their scars, their silent cries
I stitched their wounds and ignored mine
I became the bridge, the ground, the wall
The place they leaned when they started to fall
But every promise I didn’t refuse
Tied another stone to my dancing shoes