Carbon Neutral Hitman

There's a climate change emergency that's ticking like a clock,
It's an existential threat to every person on this rock,
But the Carbon Neutral Hitman's out there trying to do his bit.
If only there were more like him we'd be soon be fixing it.

He's a Carbon Neutral Hitman,
Whacking people for the mob,
Whilst he tries to save the planet,
And combine that with his job,
A pernicious green assassin,
Who's an eco-friendly hood,
Each time he does an evil deed,
He tries to do some good.

He recycles bullet casings,
And has bamboo-handled knives,
The O - Zone is unaffected,
When he's taking people's lives,
His ropes are Bluesign certified,
And free of P.V.C.,
So that anyone he strangles,
Knows it's done responsibly.

His mode of transport can depend,
On where each victim is,
But he offsets any airmiles,
Buying green indulgences,
If you read about some "Wise Guy",
Who died "unexplainably",
It was done with Fairtrade poison,
That was sourced sustainably.

He can stab 'em,
He can shoot 'em,
Poison or electrocute 'em,
While he puts his mind to saving everyone,
When each one dies,
He always tries,
To find a way to neutralize,
The negative effects of what he's done.

---