Hobbit Exterminator

When I first joined Ringwraiths,
I was no more than a lad,
I've just got that kind of face,
The gift for being bad,
I'm not the most feared in the order,
Of the great Nazgul,
But I've a big house in East Mordor,
With a private pool.

Lord Sauron's plagued by little pests,
With great big hairy feet,
They meddle and they foil his quests,
Resulting in defeat,
They sneak around and steal his stuff,
And cause him endless grief,
He said to me "Enough's enough!
Can you provide relief?"

[chorus]
Hobbit Exterminator riding through the Shire,
Seeking out those Hobbit-holes and setting them on fire,
Lord Sauron's pest control guy has so much to give,
He's just making Middle Earth a better place to live.

I've bagged so many Bagginses,
I've actually lost count,
There are no checks and balances,
For such a large amount,
And Gamgees are so fat and wheezy,
They can't take the pace,
Killing them is super easy,
I win every race.

For every Took I've taken,
There's a notch carved in my belt,
I've a new one I'm now making,
Out of Hobbit pelt,
Those Merrys aren't so merry,
When you slit their little throats,
Got six on Bucklebury Ferry,
(didn't mean to gloat!)

[chorus]

They say one ring to rule them all,
Depends on who you ring -
So why not give me a call?,
And I can do my thing,
Hobbit Exterminator,
Riding through the shire,
If I'm out please call back later,
Pest control for hire.

[repeat chorus to fade]

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Always good to listen to both sides of an argument. <3

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